Shit you shouldn’t say to a mom with more than one child.

12 Mar

As you may be aware, I’ve never had one child. I started off the whole shebang with Diva & Intuitive. Because of that, I don’t KNOW what it’s like to have ONE child. That may seem painfully obvious to many of you. (I hope it is, anyways.)

Diva & Intuitive were about 5 weeks early. They stayed in the hospital for a little over a week before being healthy enough to go home. After taking them home, I went into super-insane-overprotective-mamabear mode. Save for doctor appointments, we didn’t take them out of the house very much until they were about 6-7 weeks old. When we did start taking them out, they were always in their carseat, snapped into their double stroller, (THE BUS) with the sun shade pulled up and a blanket covering the majority of the open space that was left. I never imagined that going out with them could be more stressful than it already was.

Then it happened.

Apparently I failed to recieve the memo that having twins automatically makes you a three ring fucking circus. I also didn’t know that tickets were free for one and all.

Perhaps I was very sheltered. Perhaps The Mayor & First Husband raised me with manners. Maybe I just didn’t pay attention to anything other than my little world. I had no idea that there were people, LOTS of people, who could be very.. forward.

On our very first mall outing, the comments started. I tried to be nice, I really did. After the 87th time hearing the SAME comment/questions/concerns I lost the polite filter.

These are some of the comments that I repeatedly recieved.. While I “only” had twins. The comments that came after Handsome came along will be another section.

  • ARE THEY TWINS?! – Two small infants. One double stroller. Matching car seats. No, they’re not twins. I stole this other one. Is that bad?
  • Two boys? A boy and a girl? Two girls? – One squirrel and one spider monkey, actually.
  • Is it harder than one baby? – Well I would sure fucking assume so, since, you know, there ARE TWO OF THEM.
  • Are they natural? – Nope, silicone! Don’t they look real? (The balls on people to ask if I had in-vitro. There is obviously nothing wrong with in-vitro, but what business is it of theirs? Market research?!)
  • Vaginal or c-section?! – Uh. Go away please. I don’t want my babies to catch “rude”. (This one always floored me. Why on God’s green earth would a stranger want to imagine my hoohaa expelling children OR my guts being removed to extract them?!)
  • My sister’s cousin’s husband’s friend’s daughter has twins! – OMG no way! We are practically family, in that case.
  • How did you have twins? – Like, literally? How were they conceived? Uh, google it, please. (There was a time I said something a BIT more crass than that, but, uh, my dad reads this. It had something to do with doing something twice in one night..)
  • You’re such a great nanny! - Listen, bitch. I will SHOW YOU MY STRETCH MARKS, k? Thanks.
  • It will get easier, I promise! – Uh, how? All they do is eat, sleep, and lay there. I assume that they will eventually MOVE and voice opinions.

By the time Diva & Intuitive were about 11 months old, I was pregnant with Handsome. I had no idea that the comments were about to get even better.

  • Were you TRYING for another one? – What’s the difference? My uterus, not yours!
  • What if it’s ANOTHER girl?! - Uh, well.. If the bun in the oven is another girl.. Then we’ll have 3 girls. Simple math, methinks.
  • Do you really want a 3rd baby?? - Baby?! This one isn’t going to be a puppy? Shit. I really wanted a chihuahua.
  • You need a TV. Do you know what causes “that”? - Uh… We have a TV. Cable, too. I’ll have to google what causes “that”, though. Thanks for the heads up.
  • I really hope that one is a boy! - Hmm. Interesting. I hope it’s healthy & full term. Anything else is a bonus.

One of the first times I went out with the 3 kids by myself, Diva & Intuitive were about 19 months old, Handsome was about 3 weeks old. We ventured out to Target. The girls were in the double stroller, the baby in the sling. As we were strolling through the household goods, Diva & Intuitive were chatting with each other and pointing things out to me and Handsome was snoozing in the sling. We come across a woman in the same aisle as us, and I do my usual “share the aisle” dance, trying to move the stroller enough to give her room to move by us. She stops. She looks at the girls, looks at the sling, looks at me.

“Are they triplets?”

I was not expecting that. At all. I mean, sure, Diva & Intuitive were a LITTLE small for their age.. but… uh…

As time went on, I got used to being asked if they were triplets, they looked alike and were close in size soon after Hadsome turned 1. That first time, though, had me speechless. Here are some more good ones.

  • Are they all yours? – Nope! Gave birth to this one. Got this one at a garage sale. This one, I found at Target.
  • You’re DONE now, right? - I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I want to beat the Duggars. Can we remember that I’ve ONLY been pregnant twice? That’s not unheard of. The fact that I got a BOGO with my first pregnancy is just a bonus.
  • Do they all have the same dad?! - Ok, really, what fucking business is it of yours?! I would mess with people sometimes, and tell them that the twin girls had different fathers. That confused them. Job well done.
  •  Lucky you had that boy so you can stop! - Yup, this whole process was just to have a boy. Lucky us! Thank goodness for a penis!
  • Did you always want a HUGE family? - Personally, I don’t think that 3 kids is a HUGE family. So uh, that question is now invalid. Thanks.
  • *pointing at sling* What’s THAT one? – A rabbit.
  • WOW! Trying to singlehandedly over populate the world? - Why, yes! I am!

And one of my favorites, usually said to me while I have all three kids in tow at the grocery store…

Gee, you must have your hands full 

I do. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, if you see a Mommy out with her brood of small people, please, give her a smile. She’ll appreciate that.

Don’t ask her about the inner workings of her uterus. She’ll also appreciate that.

Has anyone asked you something crazy or made a crazy comment?

-Daisy

© Daisy and Violet 2012. All Rights Reserved.

12 Responses to “Shit you shouldn’t say to a mom with more than one child.”

  1. nae March 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm #

    other than the triplets and the nanny thing.. ive been asked the very same things.. numerous times. sigh. i also get crazy stares when i mention their ages because apparently i look 12.

    • daisyandviolet March 12, 2012 at 12:20 pm #

      LOL! You DO look 12. Hold on to that for as long as you can! <3

      -Daisy

  2. MonopoliQueen March 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

    Well… You (Daisy) know my back story… So… When LadyBug would be fussy in public & someone would make the comment… “Be glad it’s not twins!”… Yeah. There was no polite response to THAT one… O.o

    • daisyandviolet March 12, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

      I can’t imagine. People need to keep their mouths shut.

      I’m sorry you have had comments like that. <3

      -Daisy

  3. Kristin March 12, 2012 at 10:57 pm #

    My sister has identical twins. She would be asked “are they twins?” and her comment was..”oh no, there are two..I thought I had three

    • daisyandviolet March 13, 2012 at 7:00 am #

      Awesome response! Thanks for sharing :)

      -Daisy

    • daisyandviolet March 13, 2012 at 11:09 am #

      Oh, that’s fantastic! I hope she terrified a few nosy strangers with that one! -V

  4. Kristin March 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm #

    She tried. And the fact that they are identical. She had a whole list of comments for when people ask “are they twins?”, I will have to think of the sassy she used to have.

    • daisyandviolet March 14, 2012 at 7:04 am #

      I’d love to hear some!

      -Daisy

    • daisyandviolet March 14, 2012 at 3:56 pm #

      A few times, Daisy and I planned to tell nosy strangers that one of the “triplets” (since the kids are so close in age) was mine, then when they inevitably asked “which one?” we’e respond with “Um…that one! I think…or wait…”
      -V

  5. CJ March 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm #

    LMAO!! This is just too funny, probably because it’s sooo true. Since I have boy/girl twins I often get, “Are they identical?” It didn’t bother me when they were babies, but now… First I should say my daughter is 5ft tall and brown skin, my son 4’6″ and very, very light skin, I still get the question and now I’m just dumbfounded. “Do they look identical? Ignore the lack of penis on her and the lack of early boobs on him…what about them would make you ask if they are identical?” My kids usually answer before I can give my lecture on what it means to be identical (for those that may not know, boy/girl twins CANNOT be identical). I hope one day it won’t annoy me so much.

    • daisyandviolet March 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

      LOL CJ!!!!!

      Mine all look like they are different ages now, so no one really asks about them being multiples… Just about them being all mine! HA.

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