Don’t Let Violet Around Your Children

27 Feb

Why was Daisy so worried about my foray into Motherhood? Here’s why: I’ve taught her kids a variety of inappropriate shit. Here are a few of my favorite examples.

    • Driving in the car one day, we passed a small, yellow school bus. With two four year olds and a two year old in the back seat, I yelled, “Look, it’s a short bus!” For the next several days, the kids would yell “short bus” at every opportunity.
    • Don’t know why, but I felt it was necessary to teach Diva, Intuitive, and Handsome the word “tacky.” Boy, did they take to that one! And as evidence of their collective genius, they understood its context, even while in diapers. Daisy reported to me that the following day, as they zoomed around Target, the children pointed to objects and people and screamed, “TACKY!!!” at the top of their lungs.
    • My favorite – absolutely, 100% favorite Twins-Plus-One moment – was actually on the day that my dog died. Depressed beyond measure, I decided to pay Daisy’s family a little visit in hopes that some kiddo time would cheer me up. A few days prior, I taught Diva to say, “I am my mother’s daughter” because, well, she is. I was changing two-year-old Handsome’s diaper, and as you all know, you gotta tuck Mr. Winkie into the diaper so it won’t spray piss all over the kid’s clothes. As I was doing this, he fussed and grabbed at his junk. I said, “You wanna tuck your own penis? Go right on ahead.” Out of nowhere, from across the house, Diva yells, “I love to touch the penis! I am my mother’s daughter!” Twenty minutes of hysterical, tear-inducing laughter ensued. And that’s how I coped with the death of my doggie.

© Daisy and Violet 2012. All Rights Reserved.

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7 Responses to “Don’t Let Violet Around Your Children”

  1. Val February 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm #

    OMG, that is hilarious!

    • daisyandviolet February 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

      Why, thank you. =] The fun of it all is that, with the exception of “I am my mother’s daughter,” none of this was intentional. Oops! Auntie Violet has since learned to curb her language around the kids, lest the tell their teachers to go fuck themselves.

    • daisyandviolet February 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

      I laugh now, but that day in target, when the lady with the garden gnome walked by and my darlings began their chorus of “tackkkkkkky”… I didn’t laugh. Well, maybe I did.

      -Daisy

  2. "The Mayor" February 27, 2012 at 10:50 pm #

    Kids say the darnest things….. and sometimes they say the things they hear their aunties say….. Love the witty writing Violet & Daisy …..thanks for sharing..

  3. CJ February 28, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

    This is hilarious. As the mother of now 10 year old twins, the fun never ends.

    • daisyandviolet February 28, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

      No, it doesn’t. I’m almost 7 years into the “twin thing” and it only gets funnier.

      -Daisy

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