Mommy Message Boards

15 Mar

After the sixth pregnancy test, I did what most twenty-first century Moms do: I went online and joined a pregnancy message board. It’s not something I would have normally done, but a close friend, who also happened to be pregnant, suggested it. Turns out, it was pretty fun. I enjoyed having a place to anonymously complain about the ins-and-outs of pregnancy. I liked hearing that other women were as constipated as I was. It made me feel better to learn that other couples were arguing over baby names, too. And yes, the catty little bitch-fits of “breast-feeders vs. formula feeders” kept me entertained while my fat ass was holed up on the couch.

After Pterodactyl was born, I continued to visit the site. Every mommy seemed to be on there at 3am. Like me, they were doing the mid-night zombie thing while feeding a colicky newborn. We shared our labor and delivery stories, and “oohed” and “aahed” at the lengths to which the others went to push a baby out.  When my breastfeeding attempts ended, I received plenty e-reassurances to make me feel like less of a failure. I’ve even made two “real” friends off the site, although due to the several thousand mile distances, we’ve only ever talked on the phone. These two mommies actually transitioned to my Facebook friends. (And I’m not one of those people who has all sorts of random strangers on her Facebook; I have fewer than 150 friends total, from high school, college, grad school, and work.)

I highly recommend joining one of these sites, for the aforementioned reasons. But take heed: some of these sites are just breeding grounds for stupidity, judgment, and internet trolls. While I was fortunate that my group of April 2011 mommies on What to Expect were some bad-ass chicks, other boards were not so blessed. I peeked in on the other boards, and some of those women are just bitchy bullies looking for victims. Think about it: if you’re on a pregnancy or new-mommy message board, the entire patronage of the website is women with an abundance of hormones. That’s a brew for evil, under normal circumstances.  I got lucky with my group of gals. You may not.

I’ll tell you who these sites are not for. They’re not for:

  • The overly-judgmental. By definition, you’re going to meet a slew of people from different backgrounds, socio-economic statuses, religions, political affiliations, and cultures. They’re going to do shit differently from you. If you can’t deal with that, or if you’re quick to condemn different lifestyles, stay away.
  • The easily-offended. If you plan to ask for advice or offer opinions, you’re likely to encounter someone who’ll say something you disagree with. The comment may be outright hurtful. I told you, there are catty bitches on these sites! If you’re inclined toward hurt feelings, don’t join a mommy blog.
  • Preachers. No, not people of the cloth; people with loud opinions. If you’re on a crusade to make everyone a vegetarian like you, or to convince people of the evils of disposable diapers, then you’re going to be met with aggression on Mommy forums.
  • Friend-Hunters. You mustn’t join a Mommy-board to make 196332 BFF’s. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment if you join up thinking you’re going to walk away with sisters. This ain’t a sorority house. Most of these women want a place to anonymously vent, then go about their days. I was lucky to meet the two cool chicks that I met. Were they in my state, or vice versa, we’d probably have gotten together. I’m not buying a plane ticket to meet them or anything, but I do consider them “friends.” Do NOT expect that to happen for you, but if it does, cool shit.
  • Bullies. Nobody wants to deal with your shit. If you have aggression problems, go to therapy. Don’t bring your meanness to the mommy boards.

The unity of a collective due date brought us together. Almost a year later, the message board has died out some. Most of us are extremely busy with our almost-toddlers and life in general. But it’s nice to have an e-Cheers to go where everybody knows my name. When my kid enters a new and annoying phase, I can poll other women with 11 month olds to see if they’ve experienced the same headaches I am dealing with, and how they handled it. I’m sure that a year from now, save for another pregnancy, I’ll rarely visit www.whattoexpect.com, but the past 18 months of posts and e-friendships made it all worthwhile.

(Daisy Edit – As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Diva & Intuitive, (before I knew there were two of them!) I joined the now defunct AOL message boards. I am still great friends with many of those ladies, and that was 7.5 years ago! That message board was a great support system! We had our share of highs and lows.. from healthy babies to stillborn babies. Those relationships were amazing, and I am so happy I joined.)

What mommy message boards have you joined? Did they suck ass? Were they awesome? Tell us about them!

© Daisy and Violet 2012. All Rights Reserved.

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4 Responses to “Mommy Message Boards”

  1. A.J. March 21, 2012 at 11:44 pm #

    Daisy,

    Our mommy board was so very important to me as well. Without it, we would have never met. I still love seeing updates about the girls and Handsome!

    • daisyandviolet March 22, 2012 at 9:13 am #

      I miss our message board!

      Thank you for reading! ❤
      -daisy

  2. kwilson1595 April 2, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

    I’m one of your fellow [censored for privacy reasons by D&V] mommas for WTE and the FB group. I couldn’t agree more with you. Gotta love the place to vent, complain, rejoice, and cry over every heartache and joyful moment that we have shared together. Yeah, we are pretty cool and I cant get enough of your blog! Shhhh…I read it at work sometimes 😉

    • daisyandviolet April 2, 2012 at 4:54 pm #

      Aw, thanks, Momma! We were really lucky with our group, weren’t we? The fact that we still congregate online so far after our babies were born speaks volumes. Daisy and I are glad you like the blog! You’re the exact target audience it was intended for! -Violet

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