My “Fuck You, Mayo” Potato Salad

9 Apr

I fucking hate mayonnaise. I call it “Satan’s Semen,” which kind of upsets Daisy, who doesn’t mind the condiment. I hate anything with mayonnaise in it. Try to trick me: slide it in and see if I won’t catch it. I will. And then I will hate you for making me eat it.

I’ve avoided most potato salads like the plague, since it’s nearly impossible to find a good one that lacks the unavoidable binding ingredient. But then one day, my step-mom came to the rescue and procured a yummy potato salad that was MAYO-FREE. I rejoiced, since I love potatoes and felt that my mayo prejudice was preventing me from enjoying something I would otherwise love. Since I inherited this recipe, I’ve made some adjustments to Violet-ize it. Hope you enjoy!

This one’s for all of you mayo-haters out there…


14 small, red boiling potatoes (don’t peel ‘em. The skin is half the fun!)

8 slices cooked bacon, crumbled

5 hard-boiled eggs, peeled and chopped

1/2 cup finely chopped red onion

1/3 cup finely chopped green onion.

1/3 cup finely chopped celery

1 c. Ranch dressing (Just go for the full-fat kind, ok? Don’t pretend like you’re going to save fucking calories by using the low-fat kind. You’re not. You’re just sacrificing flavor. Don’t be dumb.)

2 tablespoons chopped parsley

S&P to taste


  1. Place potatoes in a medium saucepan and add enough water to cover by an inch. Bring to a boil until they’re tender – about 20 minutes or so.
  2. Drain and cool the potatoes. Halve them.
  3. In a large mixing bowl, combine potatoes with all the other remaining ingredients and gently toss. Refrigerate for several hours before serving.

And when you receive hundreds of compliments on your fabulous potato salad, advertise the fact that it’s mayonnaise-free. Take that, Hellmans!

4 Responses to “My “Fuck You, Mayo” Potato Salad”

  1. Lisa Frymark (@lisa_in_wi) April 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm #

    Isn’t there mayonnaise in ranch dressing? ;-p

    • daisyandviolet April 11, 2012 at 12:18 pm #



    • daisyandviolet April 11, 2012 at 6:20 pm #

      Why oh why did you have to burst my bubble like that? -Violet

      • Lisa Frymark (@lisa_in_wi) April 13, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

        My bad, that’s actually sour cream in the ranch dressing.

        Sour cream…

        These aren’t the droids you’re looking for…

We'd love to hear your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: