The Fairy of Teeth.

18 Apr

The tooth fairy has been pretty busy at our house for the past long while. Collectively, Diva & Intuitive have lost 11 teeth.  7 of those are Diva’s, 4 are Intuitive’s.

Some have been bloody, some have fallen out while they’re eating. Some have been yanked out by a grown up, some have been yanked out by the owner.

All 11 have been an exciting event, complete with a picture to text message to a handful of relatives. The most recent loss, (just yesterday) was Intuitive’s second top front tooth. When I went to pick the kids up from school, she held up a little plastic bag (I guess after you lose 2 teeth at school, they decide to stop giving you the cute little treasure box to take it home with) with her slightly bloody tooth. She regailed us with her tale:


At this point, I lied and said that I was very sorry I missed the momentous, and bloody, occasion. Once again, we have a child with a large hole in her mouth, and a slight lisp. If she’s anything like her sister, those two front teeth will take 5 months to come in, and we will have some time to enjoy the toothless grins. As Violet mentioned yesterday, as Pterodactyl gains teeth, we lose them.

With the 11 (and counting) teeth that have fallen from Diva & Intuitive’s mouths… The tooth fairy has been busy. The Mayor & First Husband always used to do something creative when I lost a tooth. The money would be in fun formations, there would be props, etc. I decided a long time ago to do similar things.

Then I had 3 children. Then the 2 older ones started loosing teeth… Then we got to…. oh… tooth 6? And would you believe it…

That bitch, the tooth fairy, FORGOT to come visit.

Actually, the bitch fell asleep on the sofa and just plain forgot to lay out the money on the table. Once morning came, and the kid was looking for her loot, I had to do some fancy footwork. Ran to the kitchen, grabbed some glitter and made it look like the dumbass tooth fairy got lost and came in through the kitchen, leaving a pile of glitter, and a few extra dollars.

It worked, but…

I felt like SUCH an ass.

(Oh, and did I mention that it was Intuitive’s… like.. first or second tooth?)

Since then, I have had to set reminders on my phone when teeth fall out. It’s worked so far, and last night, the fairy left an intricate chain of dollar bills and the tooth hanging from the fan pulley-thing with paperclips.

All 3 kids were thoroughly impressed at the Tooth Fairy’s innovative presentation. Now, it’s off to plan what the hell the dumass tooth fairy will have to do next time, since there are at least 3 more loose teeth in Diva & Intuitive’s mouths.

Has the Tooth Fairy ever forgotten to visit you?




6 Responses to “The Fairy of Teeth.”

  1. collectingkairos April 19, 2012 at 6:43 am #

    Ahhhh you’re so funny. My daughters teeth have to come in before I can worry about these broadway style tooth celebrations… Is there a “teething” fairy? Lol

    • daisyandviolet April 19, 2012 at 8:26 am #

      Unfortunately, the Teething Fairy is that wench that keeps you up all night…..


    • daisyandviolet April 19, 2012 at 11:29 am #

      The teething fairy is a whore. -Violet

  2. collectingkairos April 19, 2012 at 6:45 am #

    Ahhhh!!! You’re too funny. I can’t wait for broadway style teeth celebrations! Cept – my kids teeth need to come in first! Is there a teething fairy? 😉

  3. Hevel April 19, 2012 at 8:23 am #

    Hm, I’m trying to think if the tooth fairy ever came to visit. Maybe once when I lost a tooth in the hospital. The tooth fairy just so wasn’t part of my culture.

    • daisyandviolet April 19, 2012 at 8:27 am #

      The tooth fairy is a fun little thing to do… Until she forgets to visit! lol

      Thank you for commenting!!


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