“That’s just the way it is…things will never be the same…”

1 May

I kind of mourned Pterodactyl’s first birthday.

I know. I’m crazy. (Don’t worry. I take pills.)

I saw it as this “finish line;” the end of her infant days. Don’t know why, but I had this irrational fear that her 366th day of life, she’d stand up, start walking, reading Proust, and analyzing logical syllogisms used in the current political spectrum.

Two weeks have now passed since we crossed that threshold, and guess what? No Proust! No Ad Hominem fallacies! No walking, as a matter of fact! Just a couple new teeth to mark the transition. But there is, indeed, a transition.

I’m learning not to fear the growth and mourn the passing of a bygone phase. Instead, I’m looking forward to what each day brings. Will she pick up a new word? A funny new behavior? There are so many things to look forward to with this child of mine. Every day she surprises me.

This is not to say that I don’t look at pictures of her as a newborn and miss the days when she could sleep on my chest for hours; when even a train horn blaring “Single Ladies” could not wake her. I definitely do that. But I’m noticing that the sadness and trepidation I felt about her first birthday has subsided, and been replaced by excitement and antici – *beat* – pation. Every day, Pterodactyl teaches me something new. Every day, she discovers something and shows me a different way of perceiving my everyday world. Instead of fearing the change, I’m celebrating it.

Have you ever found yourself sad to say “goodbye” to a childhood phase? How did you cope? 

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7 Responses to ““That’s just the way it is…things will never be the same…””

  1. kwilson1595 May 2, 2012 at 9:09 am #

    I too just celebrated my LO’s first birthday. The day before her birthday I was constantly thinking…”At this time last year I was at X, Y and Z in my labor and delivery.” I spent much of that day and her birthday in mourning. After her actual birthday and onto her birthday party that weekend helped me regain my focus and concentrate on how far we have come. I say WE because even though she has changed and progressed in leaps in bounds, I have too. I’m a FTM and never imagined what was in store for myself, and would never change the experiences that I have had with her. I’m so excited for what tomorrow brings! Thank you for another wonderful post!!

    • daisyandviolet May 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm #

      Thank you for reading and commenting! I like your perspective. I’m going to try to look at this “growing up” thing the way you do. It’s much healthier than obsessing over bygone months. :). -Violet

  2. Hevel May 7, 2012 at 3:35 am #

    I think the only time when I grieved the passing of a life period of a child was just now with one of my sons turning 13. He is finishing up junior high, and he is eyeing a science school in Jerusalem or one in Haifa where he’d be a boarder. I wish he wasn’t just this independent.

    • daisyandviolet May 7, 2012 at 4:16 am #

      You’re a great parent, allowing him that level of freedom. I’m considering homeschooling Pterodactyl through law school, I’m so attached and neurotic. 🙂
      -Violet

      • Hevel May 7, 2012 at 4:23 am #

        I homeschooled him for a short period when we lived in Hungary. I would love to home school my kids, but I don’t speak Hebrew well enough to be able to give them the education they need. Going to a science school would be awesome for him, because there are tiny classes (10 kids) vs. the high school’s 38, he’d be with other smart kids and could compensate a lot better for his hearing loss. I kind of hope if he decides to go he’ll choose Haifa, as we already have a uni student there, and they could come home together once during the week, too.

        Also, he is an adult according to Jewish law. I get that rubbed under my nose every once in a while, so when it comes to letting him choose between things that are good for him–maybe not for me–every once in a while, I really am trying to respect his adultness.

        • daisyandviolet May 7, 2012 at 8:13 am #

          That would be awesome if he’s near your other child. A little piece of mind, I’m sure.

          -daisy

    • daisyandviolet May 7, 2012 at 8:12 am #

      You raise them to be independent people.. But it’s still sad when it turns out that you did a great job..

      -daisy

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