Games From When I Used to be Social

5 Jun

It’s a Tuesday night, but I don’t think that excuses me from sitting by myself with a glass of wine and a few games of Words With Friends.

Back in my pre-Mommy days, there would be other people around when I drank my wine. We’d usually play Apples to Apples (if you’ve never played it, I highly recommend it. Especially if you’re drinking.) or dabble with my collection of If… books. These coffee-table books contain a bunch of hypothetical questions, and the players take turns asking one another and giggling at their friends’ responses. There’s a positive correlation between the humor factor and the booze: the more alcohol consumed, the funnier the answers.

Sometimes, I long for those silly days.

Yet here I am, listening to the rain and the baby monitor, flipping through the books as though I actually have friends. I kinda do have friends, if I count Daisy and you all, Dear Readers. Maybe I’ll ask myself these questions, and post my responses for you to enjoy. What do you think? (Frankly, I don’t give a damn. I’m going to do it anyway.)

If you could be a guest on any television talk show, which would it be?

My initial reaction would be Ellen. I’d love to dance with the country’s most lovable lez, and a seat on her stage would probably mean this blog has taken off, or teachers have become nationally-renowned celebrities. Plus, Rachel Ray annoys me. Stay in the kitchen, Sweetheart. Nobody wants to hear your raspy voice.

If you could be the owner of any current team in professional sports, which one would you want?

Let’s go with the Denver Broncos. This season is going to be very lucrative, now that Jesus Boy Timmy is off the roster and Manning’s on. If my prediction is correct, I’ll be filling a swimming pool with coins like Scrooge McDuck so I can skinny dip in money.

If you had to spend all of your vacations for the rest of your life in the same place, where would you go?

I’m assuming that this is all-expenses paid, and I don’t have to float it on a teacher’s salary, right? Ok, now that we’ve cleared that up, I’m going to generically say a cruise ship. The way I see it, cruise ships go to different places, right? So I could do one vacay in Alaska, one in the Mediterranean, one in the Caribbean, etc. Who doesn’t love a cruise? Food and alcohol flowing from every orifice, girly cartoon slot machines in every casino, and great views from every deck. Yeah, my family, my Kindle, and I would be very happy on endless cruises.

If you could be invisible for one hour, where would you go and what would you do?

First things first, let’s spend 5 minutes in Matthew Mcconaughey’s dressing room. Just enough time to oogle his naked body and smell him a little. Then, off to the nearest bank to make a massive (and undetectable) cash withdrawal. Maybe stop by another one, just for good measure. (Look, I was a bank teller in college. I know how frequently they keep the vault open.) My last invisible act would be to find whomever is highest on my Shit List at the time and bully them a little. Pluck hairs out of their arms or eyebrows, move around their shit right before their eyes, steal their car keys and wallet just to screw with their heads. I think that would occupy my whole hour, right? 

Well, this was fun for me. Was it fun for you? Truthfully, Honey Badger don’t give a shit. I occupied my evening away from Pinterest and Facebook, so it’s a win. With enough positive feedback, I might do this again sometime. =]


2 Responses to “Games From When I Used to be Social”

  1. "the Mayor" June 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm #

    Violet… I would be happy to join you in your adventure…But I prefer Guiness or pinot noir.. and btw are you sure on the spelling of Mathew’s last name. I thought the 2nd “c” was capitalized…..( you should live closer to us , I can arrange for great baby sitting and some fun at the local Irish Pub.. )…..

    • daisyandviolet June 6, 2012 at 11:28 am #

      LoL Google told me that’s how he spells his name. Google’s never wrong, right? And maybe you should live closer to ME! How about that?! -Violet

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