Search Terms

9 Jun

So, I’m sitting here watching Armageddon while my kids have rest time… And I was perusing the different things that people have searched for that got them here, and, uh… We need to address this. People, quite obviously, are strange. For your viewing pleasure, here are some noteable ones… And if you got here via one of these searches, we won’t hold it against you.

(Search terms are bold – my commentary is un-bold)

  • if i have conversations with myself am i schizophrenic: Well, that depends, dear friend. Are you arguing or just conversing? Either way, you’re in the right place. Hope you stuck around.
  • give me poop: I’m fresh out. I hope you found what you were looking for.
  • birth day party gift by fucking: May I suggest a Hallmark card?
  • moms i’d like to fuck daisy: Well, thanks! I’m.. honored?
  • how to make c section go smoother: Well this makes sense. Good luck!
  • walking like a 90 year old woman after a c section: This makes sense, too.
  • car stickers for single people: Seriously? You want to put a single, solitary stick figure on your car? Just buy an ipod and slap the apple on it.
  • i just love daisies: I do, too. I also love babies and strawberries and people that don’t suck.
  • daisy cooks: I sure fuckin’ do.
  • can you buy premade hummus: For many reasons, this made me laugh. Have you never been to a grocery store? That being said, my hummus is homemade. Straight from the package into a bowl.
  • sex stick people car stickers: Like, stick figures engaged IN coitus?
  • screw your stick figure family: I hope you stuck around.
  • everything just seems pointless what’s everything?: texting you and sitting here wondering: Who searches for this? Seriously? I thought the emo movement was over.
  • violet inappropriate: She sure can be. We love her, though.
  • pee her pants purpose: FIVE people have searched for this. Seriously?
  • peinis picturs: Who let their 10 year old and her friends on the computer?
  • class 4 narcotic: We are in no way medical professionals. Proceed at your own risk.
  • baby poo lots breastfed: Yup, that can happen!
  • daisy a vagina: I’ll just shake my head and wonder at this one.
  • corned beef hash joke: There are jokes about corned beef hash? I’m missing out.
  • does chicken kitchen curry sauce have mayo: Much to Violet’s dismay.. It does.
  • if you would listen mommy wouldn’t have to loose her shit: I agree!
  • daddy issues oral fixation: And this is a good example of why we don’t post pictures of our children. Thanks!
  • morphine in a c sections whore out during surgery?: Uh…………… Personally, I didn’t whore out during my c-section…
  • fat girls at prom: Hmm.
  • neighborhood children girls let out blood-curdling screams when playing outside: Are you throwing things at them?
  • intensity not your mothers vibrator: Hope you found what you were looking for!
  • families who want to be naked: Hello to our nudist readers.
  • i toss my stepmom salad: I *really* hope you mean a salad consisting of vegetables.
  • stick figure car decals woman with cats: Maybe you and the person looking for “single people decals” should hang out.
  • can i work out on the elliptical while on pelvic rest: Yeah, that’s a good idea.
  • daisy kick boxing: Nope.
  • lots of cats stick figure car: Sigh.
  • pictures of gay stick figures families: Wouldn’t two males or two females as the parents suffice?
  • people who are obsessed with working out every morning before work: I’ll take “Violet” for $1000, Alex.
  • driving daisy naked: I drive clothed, thank you.
  • babies”r”us is filled with useless crap: That, it is.
  • daisy topped nipples martha stewart: Martha Stewart’s nipples. *Shudder*
  • should i let my ex hussnd in for my c section: Is it his kid? If not, nope.
  • fuck off i want an elective c section: Have fun with that!
  • are playtex drop ins safe for baby: No. They are covered in rat poison. Playtex is trying to control the population. (sarcasm, don’t sue me, Playtex!)
  • daisy shit in the kitchen: I assure you, I didn’t.
  • does military get wedding anniversary off: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Yeah, sure. They also throw you an anniversary party.
  • poop stained shirt.: We’ve all been there.
  • what the fuck is a trimester: I hope you aren’t breeding.

Keep on searchin’. Makes us laugh.

-Daisy

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3 Responses to “Search Terms”

  1. I.R. June 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm #

    Heinlein and Bradbury (now discorporated, both, more’s the pity) surely got it right when they confected and postulated other worlds, alternate realities, and an infinite number of possibly-cognitive (to some extent or another) species. I see by Daisy’s compendium here that lots of them have visited our Third Rock (sounds like a serious job for MIB).

    One in particular warrants my attention: the one who queried about tossing Violet’s (I’m guessing) step-mom’s salad. Listen up: I’M the one who does that, and, no, ain’t no veggies ’round there that I’ve seen. Trust me.

    Yum.

    • daisyandviolet June 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm #

      …and I left out some of the very scary ones.

      -Daisy

    • daisyandviolet June 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm #

      Even though I’ve been in therapy for six months or so, I’m sending you the next bill I receive, all thanks to that comment. Love you, Daddy.

      -Vi

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