Tag Archives: garlic

Real, Authentic Caesar Salad

15 Apr

I bet you got all excited when you read the post title, didn’t you? I bet you LOVE Caesar Salad, huh? Order it every time you go out? Get those cute little bags of lettuce + Caesar salad accoutrements at the grocery store?

I’m sorry to shed light on your ignorance, but you’ve been fed some bullshit. (Both literally and figuratively.)

Real, authentic Caesar Salad is not creamy. Know those bottles of white dressing in the grocery store? That’s not real Caesar. Real Caesar salad is an oily, fishy, cheesy nom nom. You’ve most likely been duped. Unless you’ve watched a chef fix Caesar salad tableside, you’re probably getting some cheap lettuce, bagged Parmesan cheese, and bottled salad dressing on your plate.

This, my friends, is REAL Caesar Salad, courtesy of the Irreverent Reptile.


  • 2 head of Romaine lettuce. (Pull the leaves apart from the spines. They’re just bitter and flavorless.)
  • 8 tablespoons of EVOO
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 teaspoon mustard powder
  • juice of 1/2 lemon
  • 2 or 3 anchovy filets, mashed. (But the anchovy puree in a tube works just as well, and it’s a bit easier to store.)
  • bread, cubed, for croutons (Don’t be cheap. French or Cuban bread works best.)
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 block of Parmesan cheese, grated

First, the Croutons:

  1. In a small pan, heat some EVOO on medium heat
  2. Throw some garlic salt or garlic powder in the EVOO if you feel like it.
  3. Toss in croutons. Cook each side for about a minute.
  4. Remove from heat and drain.

Now, for the Caesar Salad:

  1. Mix EVOO, garlic, mustard powder, lemon juice, S&P, and anchovies in a large bowl. Kind of grind it down with your spoon. You want everything to mix together well; mash it if you have to.
  2. Coddle the egg: in a small pot, bring water to a rapid boil. Throw the egg in there for 20 seconds. Remove it and immediately place it under cold running water to stop the cooking process. This kills any harmful bacteria without removing the yolk’s binding properties.[edit: while this method allegedly eliminates the harmful bacteria, Daisy and Violet do NOT guarantee it. We have no empirical evidence to prove that coddling the egg will protect you completely. If you have any reservations about potentially coming in contact with bacteria found in raw eggs, please omit this step.]
  3. Separate the egg yolk from the egg white. Put aside.
  4. Toss lettuce into the large bowl. Add the coddled egg yolk, toss some more. Add croutons and Parmesan cheese. Toss some more. Enjoy.

Violet’s Hummus – as easy as a fat girl on prom night!

6 Apr

There’s really no point in buying pre-made hummus from the store. There’s all sorts of processed shit in there, and for the same price, you can buy the ingredients and make it yourself. I’m not going to spend time explaining the benefits of making your own hummus. You know what they are.

Recipe courtesy of the Irreverent Reptile.


  • 2 cups canned chickpeas
  • 2 tablespoons Tahini paste (available in your grocer’s “ethnic foods” aisle. This shit never goes bad. Once you buy it and store it in the fridge, you can make your own hummus for months to come.)
  • 1 tablespoon garlic
  • 1/4 cup EVOO
  • Juice of 1 lemon


In a food processor, combine chickpeas, Tahini paste, lemon juice, and garlic. Turn on the machine. While the machine is running, drizzle the EVOO slowly. Season with salt and pepper.

It goes without saying that you can customize this recipe to meet your tastes. Like it extra garlicky? Add more garlic. Like the “sun-dried tomato” flavor you can buy in the grocery store? Just add a few sun-dried tomatoes! Same goes for black olives, feta cheese, red peppers, etc.

There are a few ways you can serve this. The classic stand-by is with warm pita bread. It really doesn’t get much better than that. Bagel chips and pita chips work well, too, but I don’t like to crunch with my hummus. For those of you on low-carb diets, carrot sticks and celery sticks are a yummy option.

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