Tag Archives: iphone

Bad Mommy

5 Apr

I’m a terrible mother. I’ve heard time and time again what I should and should not do with and to my kid for the first year of her life, and I’ve ignored 90% of the advice. Some of it even came from reliable sources like my pediatrician or Daisy, and I still gave two shits. Here are some of the things I’ve done wrong, and my neurotic justifications for why I did them:

1. I gave the baby my iPhone.

Know why? Because she would obsessively watch me use it. I found a fantastic *free* app – AlphaBaby –  and let her rip. She loves touching the screen and watching letters and numbers appear. She loves manipulating their sizes and moving them around the screen. It’s a great distraction on long car rides, or while waiting at the auto repair shop. The other day, Pterodactyl figured out how to exit the app, and proceeded to open a text message to her father and send him some rather eloquent texts. My favorite was the picture message of her knee and her musings on “poooooooosstwb3nt.”

2. I turned on the TV.

Like Mommy Man wrote in his (hyperlinked for your convenience) blog post, baby TV is NOT the root of all evil. There are several practical uses, such as allowing Mommy to pee without having to protect the roll of toilet paper from a destructive 11 month old, or vacuuming up Cheerios without having to simultaneously entertain a baby. I even busted out the Netflix on my iPhone for long-distance drives when the kid was a little too squirmy for the car seat. Know what? She sat still and enjoyed the rest of the trip.My kid loves Elmo. Elmo sings the alphabet. Ergo, my kid sings the alphabet. That’s right. And even though I’m a certified English teacher, I take zero credit for that. Elmo is the magic man behind the ABCs.

3. I gave her sugar.

I know what you’re thinking: “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOUR KID WILL GROW UP TO BE OBESE AND NEED GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY WHEN SHE’S 11!” But my kid was eye-fucking my ice cream, and I wanted to share a little bite with her. I justified it by remembering that it was the brand with 5 ingredients: milk, sugar, eggs, etc. She loved it. A little too much. Like a drug addict getting a fix, too much. Oh well. I’ve cut her off until the cake at her first birthday party.

4. I let her nap on my body. Regularly.

Every little old lady I pass in the grocery store reminds me to enjoy this time with Pterodactyl, because it flies by too quickly. Well, you know what? I don’t think she’ll fit on my chest when she’s seven. So I’m cuddling the hell out of my kid while she still wants to, and while I can do so without snapping a vertebrae. Does that make her a slightly dependent sleeper? Probably. But I’m pretty sure Violet Fifteen Years From Now will thank me for this cuddle time.

5. I’ve done other, miscellaneous, controversial shit.

I formula-feed my kid. (Insert snarky lecture from judgmental breast-feeding parents here.) I recently integrated Cry It Out into our sleep routines. (Insert snarky lecture from judgmental anti-CIO parents here.) My kid is svelte and healthy, and she now can fall asleep without an hour of rocking and shhhhing. Actually, I can now put her in the crib and walk away, and she’s out within five minutes. Winning!

Time will tell if any of these “Bad Mommy” behaviors will fuck up my kid in the long-term. I’m prepared to pay her therapy bills if that’s the case. All I know for now is that we live in the moment, putting health and happiness above other concerns. Sometimes that means we watch Big Bird Journey to Ernie. Sometimes that means giving the kid a bite of my strawberry ice cream. Sometimes, that means bringing her into our bed and napping as a family. If this time passes too quickly, and I may mourn the loss of this phase one day, I’m going to make the best out of it while I’m here.


Don’t judge me.

29 Mar




Internet Shopping is a Class 4 Narcotic

26 Mar

I love internet shopping. Any time I can be productive in front of a computer wearing nothing but a sports bra and yoga pants, I’m a happy camper. Internet shopping is my Achilles Heel. I even have my credit card numbers memorized from typing them in so often. I dread the day that the bank knocks on my front door, ready to foreclose on my house, while I’m drowning in brown boxes, packing peanuts, and shipping labels.

But until that day arrives, my online shopping will continue.

My one saving grace is that I can find spectacular deals online. You know me by now, Readers. You know that I am meticulous about savings, and the Jewish blood which runs through my veins predisposes me to craving deals in a pseudo-sexual kind of way. My gift to you today is a list of my favorite websites, most of which have scored me dramatic savings over the years.


This website is actually a blog that morphed into freebie heaven. Goob, the blogger’s pseudonym, scours the internets to find companies giving away free items. Sometimes, he’ll share coupons for freebies, or coupon sign-ups so patrons will receive excellent coups in the mail or their inbox. Other times, he scores actual, tangible products for free. And he doesn’t discriminate. I’ve received free posters for my classroom, more Post-It products than I know what to do with, cat food, diapers, and enough shampoo/soap/hair gel samples to fill my travel toiletry bags forever. He also participates in these freebies, and posts pictures of his weekly scores to the blog. I find it hilarious that this single man has an assortment of free tampons, women’s perfume, and back-issues of Parenting Magazine lying around his house. [Helpful hint: create a spare email address to use when requesting the freebies, otherwise, your normal inbox will fill to the brim with offers from P&G and other vendors.]


Nearly every online vendor you love has coupon codes available to use at check-out. I’m fortunate enough that a bunch of them mail/email me those coupon codes, but not every website is as transparent. Retailmenot.com is a search engine for shopping. You type in the website you want to shop on, and it’ll produce all the relevant coupon codes for that site. It even tells you which ones worked for other shoppers and which ones are duds. Be advised that a few online vendors have blocked access to this site, like containerstore.com. But the odds are in your favor. Never, ever, ever shop online again without consulting Retailmenot.com.


Look, we all know that we need to start saving for our children’s college, right? If you don’t already have a 529 account for each of your kids, get to gettin’. Upromise.com is an excellent resource for college savings. Many vendors, like Mobil, Publix, and CVS have rewards plans, where a portion of your purchase in the store will be credited to your Upromise account, which can either siphon off into a college savings plan or a cashier’s check mailed to your front door. But the best rewards are the online shopping opportunities. If you click on a link from that website, it’ll automatically 1) Offer you shopping and shipping discounts on your purchases from big vendors like Old Navy and Amazon.com and 2) Credit your Upromise account with a portion of the money you spent on that purchase. New Old Navy jeans AND money for Pterodactyl’s college? Fuck yeah!

Zulily.com and Totsy.com

I’m throwing these together because they are one and the same. They both offer high-end kids and adult items at massive discounts for a predetermined period of time. I got my kid (and another little one in my life) a bunch of Ralph Lauren outfits for pennies on the dollar. (I won’t amaze you with the actual price, as the gift recipient’s mommy reads the blog and I wish not to be tacky.) As an added bonus, Retailmenot.com usually has excellent coupons for these sites, so the savings are exponential. A little example: remember in the “favorite kid stuff” post how I drooled over our Rockin’ Baby pouch? Right now, Zulily.com has a sale on those suckers, which normally retail for $80. Right now, the website is selling them for $40. Can’t beat that.

And now, for the iPhone-ers out there:

A few apps have perpetuated my shopping addiction. Amazon.com has an Amazon Deals app that shows users what the daily deals are, and what the Lighting Deals of the hour are. This came in handy while I was doing my Christmas shopping. I love my eBay.com app. I head straight for the Daily Deals section, where items from eBay stores are heavily discounted for the day. Again, touching the tacky line, I got my brother’s Christmas gift – a brand new HP computer – from the eBay Daily Deals. Lots of memory, RAM, Gigabytes, and other computer words, BRAND-SPANKING NEW (NOT refurbished) for under $300. Most of these deals come with free shipping, too. Obvious bonus.

Do you have any shopping secrets you wish to share with the world? We’d sure appreciate it. =] Comment below! Thanks for reading!

© Daisy and Violet 2012. All Rights Reserved.

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