Tag Archives: four year olds

Don’t Let Violet Around Your Children

27 Feb

Why was Daisy so worried about my foray into Motherhood? Here’s why: I’ve taught her kids a variety of inappropriate shit. Here are a few of my favorite examples.

    • Driving in the car one day, we passed a small, yellow school bus. With two four year olds and a two year old in the back seat, I yelled, “Look, it’s a short bus!” For the next several days, the kids would yell “short bus” at every opportunity.
    • Don’t know why, but I felt it was necessary to teach Diva, Intuitive, and Handsome the word “tacky.” Boy, did they take to that one! And as evidence of their collective genius, they understood its context, even while in diapers. Daisy reported to me that the following day, as they zoomed around Target, the children pointed to objects and people and screamed, “TACKY!!!” at the top of their lungs.
    • My favorite – absolutely, 100% favorite Twins-Plus-One moment – was actually on the day that my dog died. Depressed beyond measure, I decided to pay Daisy’s family a little visit in hopes that some kiddo time would cheer me up. A few days prior, I taught Diva to say, “I am my mother’s daughter” because, well, she is. I was changing two-year-old Handsome’s diaper, and as you all know, you gotta tuck Mr. Winkie into the diaper so it won’t spray piss all over the kid’s clothes. As I was doing this, he fussed and grabbed at his junk. I said, “You wanna tuck your own penis? Go right on ahead.” Out of nowhere, from across the house, Diva yells, “I love to touch the penis! I am my mother’s daughter!” Twenty minutes of hysterical, tear-inducing laughter ensued. And that’s how I coped with the death of my doggie.

© Daisy and Violet 2012. All Rights Reserved.

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